Written by Zoë Holloway, August 5, 2016

Cara Delevingne has appeared on the latest cover of Esquire, and inside the 23-year-old model has given what may be her most candid interview to date.

The actress openly expresses her disinterest in modelling, admitting, ‘Modelling is not something I love. It always felt like a job. It was never a passion. It was more like a part I played.’

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She also details her struggle with depression as a teenager – ‘I was suicidal,’ she reveals – and the ensuing battle she had with medication.

‘I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I realised how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die. I felt so guilty because of that and hated myself because of that, and then it’s a cycle. I didn’t want to exist anymore. I wanted for each molecule of my body to disintegrate. I wanted to die,’ she says.

Eventually deciding to go off her medication at 18, she admits, ‘That week, I lost my virginity, I got into fights, I cried, I laughed. It was the best thing in the world to feel things again. And I get depressed still but I would rather learn to figure it out myself rather than be dependent on meds, ever.’

Thank you so much for our Skwad tracksuits @chaos @stockdalecharlotte @katielyall 📸 by David Ayer

A photo posted by Cara Delevingne (@caradelevingne) on

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